COMPLAINIAC

There is something irreparably wrong with everything.

 
cooldogs: classis cooldog

cooldogs:

classis cooldog

(Source: emptybrackets)

robdelaney: newsweek: Things Jonathan Franzen Hates 1. E-books: “That kind of radical contingency is not compatible with a system of justice or responsible self-government.” 2. Smartphones: “Great allies and enablers of narcissism.” 3. The Internet: “It’s doubtful that anyone with an internet connection at his workplace is writing good fiction.” 4. Cats: “the sociopaths of the pet world.” 5. Experimental fiction: “It’s also in my Protestant nature, however, to expect some reward for this work.” 6. Schmaltzy fiction: “I cringe, myself.” 7. Michiko Kakutani: “the stupidest person in New York City.” 8. Insipid Broadway musical adaptations: “instantly overpraised.” 9. Author videos: “This might be a good place for me to register my profound discomfort at having to make videos like this.” Viva Franzen!

robdelaney:

newsweek:

Things Jonathan Franzen Hates

1. E-books: “That kind of radical contingency is not compatible with a system of justice or responsible self-government.”

2. Smartphones: “Great allies and enablers of narcissism.”

3. The Internet: “It’s doubtful that anyone with an internet connection at his workplace is writing good fiction.”

4. Cats: “the sociopaths of the pet world.”

5. Experimental fiction: “It’s also in my Protestant nature, however, to expect some reward for this work.”

6. Schmaltzy fiction: “I cringe, myself.”

7. Michiko Kakutani: “the stupidest person in New York City.”

8. Insipid Broadway musical adaptations: “instantly overpraised.”

9. Author videos: “This might be a good place for me to register my profound discomfort at having to make videos like this.”

Viva Franzen!

“The whole thing with LiveJournal, WordPress, and Blogspot was oversharing in a detailed way, whereas Tumblr encourages you to just post an image and it’s done. It’s so easy to create this collage of yourself where each image means nothing and gives no information, but when you compile them all together you can create this person that you want to be. It is fucking spooky.”

- Some Tumblr-on-Tumblr analysis from Los Campesinos! frontman Gareth.

(Source: pitchfork)

A tweet

robdelaney:

“I bet if Ronald Reagan had invented AIDS today, he would’ve given it to people who post pictures of their food online first.”

I would’ve put that on Twitter, but Twitter’s down. Do you think it’s funny? Why/why not?

(Source: flahvia, via ifc)

(Source: dumbtweetsatbrands)

DIABETICS I don’t mean to generalize, but I will anyway: are some diabetics the least self-aware people on Earth? I work with a woman with Type 2 and this is what I’ve learned: -Publix makes the most delicious cakes on Earth -Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Dunham are the funniest people on the planet -CSI and NCIS are the two best shows on TV (not counting reality shows, in which case the top two would be Deadliest Catch and Gene Simmons Family Jewels) -Fargo was a terrible movie. -Being “good” means only eating two sugar cookies after the company lunch. -If no one else in the office is making noise, then its okay for you to talk VERY LOUDLY on the phone to make up for it.  And this is one of many obese, short-haired, rascal-driving old women who have no perception of others’ personal space or comfort levels. I know it sucks having to prick yourself with a needle every few hours and to have to wear special socks like some kind of waffle-fueled superhero, but you’d think that someone who shovels so much processed fluff down their muzzle would have the power to SHUT UP.

DIABETICS

I don’t mean to generalize, but I will anyway: are some diabetics the least self-aware people on Earth? I work with a woman with Type 2 and this is what I’ve learned:

-Publix makes the most delicious cakes on Earth

-Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Dunham are the funniest people on the planet

-CSI and NCIS are the two best shows on TV (not counting reality shows, in which case the top two would be Deadliest Catch and Gene Simmons Family Jewels)

-Fargo was a terrible movie.

-Being “good” means only eating two sugar cookies after the company lunch.

-If no one else in the office is making noise, then its okay for you to talk VERY LOUDLY on the phone to make up for it. 

And this is one of many obese, short-haired, rascal-driving old women who have no perception of others’ personal space or comfort levels. I know it sucks having to prick yourself with a needle every few hours and to have to wear special socks like some kind of waffle-fueled superhero, but you’d think that someone who shovels so much processed fluff down their muzzle would have the power to SHUT UP.

MATURITY In high school, the jocks win at everything but you’ll show them because in the real world, success is measured by forward thinking, not forward passes. In college, the dumb girls get ahead but it’s only because they suck up to and tease the impressionable young graduate student professors, which don’t exist in the real world.   Once you make it to the real world, however, you realize that you still aren’t reaching your potential because you’re  a resentful,  sterile, landfill of nerves who was too busy judging your peers that you let the goofus with the neck-beard become president instead of you. Welcome to maturity, asshole.

MATURITY

In high school, the jocks win at everything but you’ll show them because in the real world, success is measured by forward thinking, not forward passes.

In college, the dumb girls get ahead but it’s only because they suck up to and tease the impressionable young graduate student professors, which don’t exist in the real world.  

Once you make it to the real world, however, you realize that you still aren’t reaching your potential because you’re  a resentful,  sterile, landfill of nerves who was too busy judging your peers that you let the goofus with the neck-beard become president instead of you. Welcome to maturity, asshole.

(via cooldogs)

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